i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
