First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
