i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
