Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Are my feet made of real feet?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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