I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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