idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
