The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The ass gains better be worth it
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
