It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
