I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
