When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
