I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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