BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
