no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Acid is not a monday night drug
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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