a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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