somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
