oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
