My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
