Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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