The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
