You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
