Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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