She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
