There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Your cock deserves a montage
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
