This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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