As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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