i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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