too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
