somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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