hell yes lets make some ravioli
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
