ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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