I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
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