If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
