I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
