have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
