dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
