There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
