"it" just moved
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
