Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
