If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
is that a dick in a sweater?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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