Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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