the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
