Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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