this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
cat food counts as protein by the way
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
