I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
