dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
now i know why i became what i already was.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
