he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
