I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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