I wish my penis had an off switch
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
