now i know why i became what i already was.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
