Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
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