Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
