doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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